Florida Silly Laws

Florida's Silly Laws

Statewide:

Florida (accidentally) banned all computers and smart phones in internet cafes
How does that happen?
The term “motor vehicle” was revised to exclude swamp buggies, deregulating the primary mode of transportation in the state.
Rock on!
The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.
Full rights for pigs!
One may not commit any “unnatural acts” with another person.
OK you're gonna have to define "unnatural" for me
Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence.
Commit your lewd acts while living seperately
Corrupting the public morals is defined as a nuisance, and is declared a misdemeanor offense.
I don't even know what this means.
Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
None of that push/pull embarassment
It is illegal to sell your children.
Can I rent them out?
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
No free elephant parking
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
As it has always been
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Sorry Ms Florida contestants
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Men just can't pull off strapless
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
And has a massive owie potential
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
What kind of license? Will my drivers license work?
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
Who makes these laws??
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.
You shouldn't do it ever unless you can blame it on the dog.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
I consider it an offense not to
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
I have to regulate my temper tantrums
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
What if your hair were to catch on fire?
Oral sex is illegal.
With the missionary position law isn't this redundant?
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
Why unmarried? Only married women are allowed to have a death wish?
You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
Florida used to seem like paradise...

City Laws in Florida

Big Pine Key

It is illegal to molest a Key deer.
Not to metion immoral

Broward County

Persons may not be “inappropriately attired” who work at hot dog stands.
I count this as dressing in a hot dog costume

Cape Coral

It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline.
Hide them in your bathroom like normal people...geez
It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street.
I guess that should be in your bathroom too

Cape Coral City

A $50 fine will be levied on anyone who allows a couch to sit in their carport.
Isn't Florida in the south?

Daytona Beach

Owning a flower pot with water in it that isn’t capable of draining is considered a public nuisance.
Draws flies
The molestation of trash cans is banned.
Who is this guy running around molesting everything???
Maintaining a car on your property which is no longer in use is prohibited.
Make it into a playhouse

Destin

It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store.
So,,,the owner is in charge of duckling giveaways?
Destin states that a cat that viciously chases passers-by is a ‘bad cat’.
Glad we got that cleared up
If you wish to go swimming in the ocean, get dressed in your hotel room.
I was just gonna swim naked thanks
Torpedoes may not be set off in the city.
Excellent plan
If you like to ride your bicycle in Destin, don’t lean it up against a tree in a cemetery.
I know there's a movie in that somewhere
It is illegal to drive over graves in a cemetery.
But, you won't let me lean my bike against the tree. Make up your mind!
If you notice an ice-cream man attempting to sell his cold concoctions in a cemetery, call the police immediately, for that is illegal.
Dead people don't eat ice cream DUH!

Hialeah

Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
Run Forrest Run!

Key West

Chickens are considered a ‘protected species’.
Someone alert KFC

Miami Beach

Skateboarding is not allowed at any police station.
Taking away all the policemen's fun
Persons face up to thirty days in jail for selling oranges on the sidewalk.
Sell them in the street
Termite farms are not allowed within the city.
Termite what????
No one may bring a pig with them to the beach.
Pigs don't enjoy the beach. We are just looking out for their best interest.

Naples

Neon signs are prohibited.
How do you see after dark?

Palm Bay

Persons may not tow a sled behind their bicycles.
Dude why??

Pensacola

A woman can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
Because her family isn't suffering enough?
Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.
What if you're a tourist?
It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel.
I've gotta see that list

Sanford

Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances.
I really don't understand this

Sarasota

If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.
Seems fair*eyeroll*
You may not catch crabs.
inappropriate giggling

Satellite Beach.

Persons may not appear in public clothed in liquid latex.
Sorry I won't do it again

Seaside

All houses much have white picket fences and full-width, two-story porches.
It's a Stepford community

Tampa

Women may not expose their breasts while performing “topless dancing”.
Do you understand what topless means?
Lap dances must be given at least six feet away from a patron.
Someone buy Tampa a dictionary

Laws found at: http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/florida?page=20