Traffic: Kana's Story

OMG!!!!!

WTF!!!!!

I’m going to die!

These are the words that went through my head as I was avoiding another near collision on the way to work this morning. I do not know who decided that men were the superior drivers but they obviously don’t take my daily commute. Almost every single accident or near accident I have ever been in involved a man.

Driving down the interstate when a ladder comes flying off the back of a truck causing me to run over it and totally screw up my alignment….man.

The time someone backed into my car  at a stoplight because they randomly decided that they needed to go left….man

The teenager who rear-ended me then told the police that the light had turned green so he didn’t stop even though there were four nonmoving cars in front of me….mini man.

The person who backed into my car while I was out of my car getting gas and then acted like I should be upset about the damage to her car….woman. Okay it’s not a perfect scenario.

I have learned important things about myself and others through all these and other encounters.

1.      My inner “OMG I’m going to die!” voice is a teenage girl. And she loves text speak.

2.      People are stupid.

3.   Women and men alike love to blame the victim for these accidents.

4.   I can scream louder than the best fangirl on her best day.

5.   Always carry a change of pants with you.

I stopped drinking coffee because my morning commute makes me jittery enough. I took

up drinking alcohol because my nightly commute makes me jittery. Basically, I am always jittery. I see things that make my blood curdle every day. I think I may have PTSD.

            My boss won’t let me work from home and my doctor won’t give me medicine. Whenever I tell people about how bad things are for me they laugh. The big strong man is afraid of a ten mile drive? Don’t they understand that no one knows how to drive?

            Things would be so much better if everyone that wasn’t me just stopped. Clearly I am the only one who is capable of handling a motor vehicle responsibly.

            Why do four way stops confuse people? It’s first come first served. It really seems like a realtively simple process doesn’t it? But, no! There’s always some jackalope waving you on when it’s your turn. He either thinks he’s in charge of what’s going on or he thinks he’s being nice for letting you go. It was already my turn! I don’t need your permission!

            Do everyone a favor and put down the cheeseburger. Doughnut. Coffee. Cell phone. Mascara. Electric razor.  Or whatever else it is that distracts you from actually driving.

            Oh thank you thank you thank you I made it to work alive. Eight hours where I don’t have to worry about driving. I have never loved my job as much as I do lately. Excuse me I have to get to work now.

            “Welcome to the DMV. My name is Jack. How can I help you?”