Georgia Silly Laws

Georgia's Silly Laws

Statewide:

You cannot live on a boat for more than 30 days during the calendar year, even if just passing through the state
Note to self...do not sail to Georgia
If an organization not registered as “non-profit” fails to register their raffle with the local sheriff, that group risks paying up to $10,000 in fines and spending five years in jail.
There's a racket somewhere
While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.
Georgia gets all the moneys!
The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
Seems legit
All sex toys are banned.
I've heard it's even illegal to ship them there
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
Why would you even try?
Signs are required to be written in English.
Good I don't read hyeroglyphs
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
It also makes your mom mad.
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
If you find a dead body on a hiking trail feel free to cuss as much as you want.
Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
That just annoys me

City Laws in Georgia

Acworth

All citizens must own a rake.
It's all about priorities

Athens-Clarke County

Adult bookstores may not sell alcohol.
You gotta go next door for that
If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM.
And after when? Cause technically everything is before 2:45 am
Massage businesses may not sell alcohol on the side.
Once again, you gotta go next door
It is illegal to sell two beers at once for a single price. For example, a bar can’t run a 2 Bud Lights for $5 special.
Instead tonight Bud Lights are$2.50
Though being forced to close your business is bad enough, Athens-Clarke County forces one to obtain a license before holding a Going-Out-Of-Business sale.
They saw that Zohan movie
Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo.
All those poor homeless goldfish
Owners of mules may not allow their animal to roam around Athens unsupervised.
Send them out with a chaperone.
Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 PM.
Do people still play pinball?
It is illegal for one to make a disturbing sound at a fair.
Mom don't go to Georgia

Athens-Clarke County

On Mondays, it is illegal for one to whistle very loud after 11:00 PM.
Why Mondays?
You may not get drunk on the bus.
Save that for your car
Alabama slingshots may not be used in the city limits.
I didn't know that states had their own slingshots
No one may bathe in Sandy Creek Lake.
We have indoor plumbing now

Atlanta

Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
Well it's the only thing tall enough
One man may not be on another man’s back.
What about monkeys?

Cobb County

At Nickajack Elementary School, all peanut products are banned, even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Overkill much?

Columbus

No one may practice the business of tattooing on Sunday.
Even tattoo artists need a day off
It is illegal to carve your initials on a tree, even if it is on your own property.
Haven't you seen Fern Gully?
Model airplanes may be flown so long as they stay on either private property or city property adjacent to the county morgue.
Say what?
Blow guns are not allowed to be used within the city limits.
No words
Cussing over the telephone is against the law.
Cuss in public instead!
No one may tease an idiot.
Define idiot
It is illegal to wear a hat in a movie theater.
All hats? Or like My Fair Lady hats?
Crosses may be burned on someone else’s property, so long as you have their permission.
Oh yeah that makes sense
To swim in any pond in the city, one must wear a ‘suitable bathing suit’.
Who writes these laws???
Barber shops may not open on Sundays.
They're busy hanging out with the tattoo aritsts
Stink bombs are not allowed in the city limits.
For obvious reasons
Picnics are prohibited in graveyards.
What?
No person may be buried under a sidewalk of a cemetery.
What if they build the sidewalk over my grave?

Columbus

Bars may not hold a “Lady’s Night?.
Stepping all over my fun
All Indians must return to their shore of the Chattohoochee River by nightfall.
Stupid racist laws
The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
Awesome
It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
Nobody wants your old corn flakes anyway
Can’t cut off a chicken’s head on Sunday.
You can't eat em the day you kill em anyway
It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.
You can't chop off it's head so carry it by the neck

Conyers

One may not place a dead bird on a neighbor’s lawn.
Keep your dead birds to yourself

Dublin

Persons may not wear hoods in public.
You hear that dementors?
It is illegal to play catch in any city street.
Where's the sandlot?
Cars may not be driven through playgrounds.
Probably for the best
Rocks may not be thrown at birds.
What about slingshotted
A person must obtain a permit to spread rat poison.
Damn the man! Buy a cat!

Gainesville

Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
As opposed to what?

Jonesboro

It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy.
Just don't take away my right to say dude

Kennesaw

Every head of household must own a gun.
What if the head of the house is a felon? No one ever thinks these things through.

Marietta

Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
Rednecks unite!

Quitman

It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause he's a rebel
Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.
Well keep the people out of the street then

Roswell

Erotic dancing is prohibited on Sundays.
The strippers, barbers, and tattoo artists all hang out together

Roswell

The flooring of adult bookstores and video stores must be nonabsorbant and smooth textured.
This grossed me out and made me giggle

St. Mary's

No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
Ya gotta be able to see where you're spitting

Laws found at: http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/georgia?page=60

What Kind Of Funny Am I?

For months I have been trying to find a definition of funny. Or a list of what the different kinds of funny are. I say months...it has been off and on, like maybe 10 times, I'm not that dedicated. I haven't been able to find anything satisfactory. Obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't have kept looking. I could write my own but we all know that ain't gonna happen. That's a lot of thought to put into it. Especially since I'm really only interested in MY funny.

I have a very dry sarcastic sense of humor. Some people don't even know that I'm being funny. It can be tedious to have to explain all of the time that I am being funny. BUT, if you know me and you get my sense of humor, then you know I am freaking hilarious.

I am not about to tell you a knock knock joke. Knock knock jokes are annoying. The only people who can get away with that business are under the age of seven.

I don't have the comic timing that is required for telling a joke. If two men walk into a bar they are on their own. I wish them the best of luck.....Now I'm imagining two guys whose destiny wasn't completed because I'm incapable of telling the joke. It's an existential mess. It's like, if two men walk into a bar and no one tells a joke does it make a sound?

I can hear the collective groans from here.

I guess I am just an acquired taste. Like stinky cheese. I have stinky cheese humor.

\

You're welcome.

Florida Silly Laws

Florida's Silly Laws

Statewide:

Florida (accidentally) banned all computers and smart phones in internet cafes
How does that happen?
The term “motor vehicle” was revised to exclude swamp buggies, deregulating the primary mode of transportation in the state.
Rock on!
The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.
Full rights for pigs!
One may not commit any “unnatural acts” with another person.
OK you're gonna have to define "unnatural" for me
Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence.
Commit your lewd acts while living seperately
Corrupting the public morals is defined as a nuisance, and is declared a misdemeanor offense.
I don't even know what this means.
Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
None of that push/pull embarassment
It is illegal to sell your children.
Can I rent them out?
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
No free elephant parking
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
As it has always been
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Sorry Ms Florida contestants
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Men just can't pull off strapless
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
And has a massive owie potential
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
What kind of license? Will my drivers license work?
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
Who makes these laws??
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.
You shouldn't do it ever unless you can blame it on the dog.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
I consider it an offense not to
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
I have to regulate my temper tantrums
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
What if your hair were to catch on fire?
Oral sex is illegal.
With the missionary position law isn't this redundant?
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
Why unmarried? Only married women are allowed to have a death wish?
You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
Florida used to seem like paradise...

City Laws in Florida

Big Pine Key

It is illegal to molest a Key deer.
Not to metion immoral

Broward County

Persons may not be “inappropriately attired” who work at hot dog stands.
I count this as dressing in a hot dog costume

Cape Coral

It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline.
Hide them in your bathroom like normal people...geez
It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street.
I guess that should be in your bathroom too

Cape Coral City

A $50 fine will be levied on anyone who allows a couch to sit in their carport.
Isn't Florida in the south?

Daytona Beach

Owning a flower pot with water in it that isn’t capable of draining is considered a public nuisance.
Draws flies
The molestation of trash cans is banned.
Who is this guy running around molesting everything???
Maintaining a car on your property which is no longer in use is prohibited.
Make it into a playhouse

Destin

It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store.
So,,,the owner is in charge of duckling giveaways?
Destin states that a cat that viciously chases passers-by is a ‘bad cat’.
Glad we got that cleared up
If you wish to go swimming in the ocean, get dressed in your hotel room.
I was just gonna swim naked thanks
Torpedoes may not be set off in the city.
Excellent plan
If you like to ride your bicycle in Destin, don’t lean it up against a tree in a cemetery.
I know there's a movie in that somewhere
It is illegal to drive over graves in a cemetery.
But, you won't let me lean my bike against the tree. Make up your mind!
If you notice an ice-cream man attempting to sell his cold concoctions in a cemetery, call the police immediately, for that is illegal.
Dead people don't eat ice cream DUH!

Hialeah

Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
Run Forrest Run!

Key West

Chickens are considered a ‘protected species’.
Someone alert KFC

Miami Beach

Skateboarding is not allowed at any police station.
Taking away all the policemen's fun
Persons face up to thirty days in jail for selling oranges on the sidewalk.
Sell them in the street
Termite farms are not allowed within the city.
Termite what????
No one may bring a pig with them to the beach.
Pigs don't enjoy the beach. We are just looking out for their best interest.

Naples

Neon signs are prohibited.
How do you see after dark?

Palm Bay

Persons may not tow a sled behind their bicycles.
Dude why??

Pensacola

A woman can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
Because her family isn't suffering enough?
Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.
What if you're a tourist?
It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel.
I've gotta see that list

Sanford

Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances.
I really don't understand this

Sarasota

If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.
Seems fair*eyeroll*
You may not catch crabs.
inappropriate giggling

Satellite Beach.

Persons may not appear in public clothed in liquid latex.
Sorry I won't do it again

Seaside

All houses much have white picket fences and full-width, two-story porches.
It's a Stepford community

Tampa

Women may not expose their breasts while performing “topless dancing”.
Do you understand what topless means?
Lap dances must be given at least six feet away from a patron.
Someone buy Tampa a dictionary

Laws found at: http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/florida?page=20

Balance

I read somewhere at some point in the past that the creation of a superhero is what creates a supervillain. If pressed I would have to say that Stan Lee said it. Stan Lee for the uninitiated is basically the father of the modern superhero. He created pretty much all of the Marvel heroes. He is the king of geeks. He is considered a rockstar among the comic-con crowd.

Ok so heroes create villains. How can that be true? Well, the idea behind it is that there has to be a balance in the world. You can't have one without the other. If some guy gets bitten by a radioactive spider and becomes better, stronger, and more agile than everyone else then some OTHER guy is going to have to become a radioactively created crocodile/man to keep the spider guy grounded.

I mean imagine how quickly the "good" guy could become the bad guy if he was just running all over being better than everyone else. Instead he is so busy running around saving the world that he doesn't have time to be a jerk. Basically there is a lot of running either good or bad.

This is true in the big and small world. Real and make believe. If we didn't have predators then the cute and fuzzy animals would just overrun the world. Then there wouldn't be any balance. The USA is a superpower. But, because of that we have created some serious enemies.

Even in our very own bodies there is a constant battle for balance. That balance or "normal" is called homeostasis. Without the bad we couldn't have the good. If you didn't get sick at times then your immune system wouldn't get strengthened and you would die from the common cold. On the other hand in our battle to combat these illnesses we have created superdrugs and the regular bugs have become superbugs.

Whether we like it or not the Yin and Yang will always win out. The world will always bring itself back into balance. Strap in and hang on for the ride.

Randomness

I haven't been doing any blogging lately. I've been in a funk. The creativity just hasn't been there. Luckily for me I tend to do things in extremes. That is true of the good and the bad. So one day I wrote like 15 blogs all at once. But, I'm getting to the point where I have used up all my back up. I haven't been assigned any school papers, cause they never assign them when it is convenient. So, I am going to ramble until something comes to mind that I want to say or I run out of ramble. The running out of ramble thing never happens, it has never happened, so I wouldn't expect it to happen.

So tonight I am sitting here watching the season premiers of some of my TV shows. This is the last year for a few of them. I don't have the time to start watching new shows. So, once these are over I'll be TV-less. Which really is not a bad place to be. I watched The Emmy's last night and found out I haven't watched a new TV show in years. ONE person I wanted to win won. I hadn't heard of most of them. I am losing my (imaginary) coolness, cutting edge, edge. How will I relate to people half my age now? And why, if I don't watch TV, do I not have enough hours in the day to get a damn thing done?

So here I sit multi tasking like a madman. Or actually madwoman. I don't know a man that can multitask worth a damn. Multitasking so that you, dear reader in my head, have something to read and giggle about.
Enjoy.

Dog Fight!!

Every single time I take my dogs for a walk we end up in or almost in a dog fight. I make sure that my dogs are properly leashed at all times. Why? Because I care! Also, because my dogs will run away otherwise.

Other people's dogs, the ones that they let run all over creation, are not smart enough to stay away from the two growling, barking, slobbering powerhouses that drag me around. Or those dogs are so starved for attention that they'll take the booty kicking. Isn't that kind of the idea behind fraternities?

As a result of those people's poor doggy parenting, I regularly end up physically dragging 150 pounds of mad dog down the street. I feel that this must burn at least 500 extra calories per walk. It works the arms, glutes, thighs, and increases my heart rate into the stratosphere.

Imagine if you will a goofy fat chick physically attached to a large black dog and an even larger yellow dog. Because they are so strong they will rip the leashes out of my hands so I have to loop them around my wrists. This means that in the event of an emergency it's one for all and all for one.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a strange dog. These dogs almost always start out in a friendly manner. The thing they don't seem to intuitively know is that my dogs are crazy protective of me. This means that anyone or anyhting they see as a threat to me, whether it be person or leaf, will be attacked and mauled. Instead of being smart and backing away, these strange dogs coninue to follow us down the street.

We have never lost a fight. We always walk away when we can. Turn the other cheek. Live to fight another day. Of course, if it looks like my boys are losing you're going to have me to deal with too.

The moral of this story is avoid the fat chick with the dogs. You will not win.

Exercise

Turn on the TV, and you will be bombarded with advertisements and news stories about the latest exercise crazes. Americans are obsessed with exercise. We are always looking for new ways to burn calories, without getting bored. This can lead to some odd ways to workout. I will explore some of the wacky choices you can make for your next workout.

            

Everyone knows that sex sells, even in the world of exercise. You can take a pole dancing class, take a flirtatious dance class, or even just have sex. According to a recent CNN story “30 minutes of sex can burn in the neighborhood of 85 to 100 calories.”

            

We will do anything to burn those pesky calories, and I do mean anything. You can even do a karaoke workout. It’s just like it sounds, you sing karaoke while you workout. I always heard that you shouldn’t have the breath to sing when you’re working out, but hey what do I know.

            

I’m not even going to go over all the different activities you can do. I have found thug workouts, circus workouts, high heel workouts and even yoga with your dogs. It makes me tired to think about.

          

  My favorite part of my research was the Miss Piggy Snackercise workout. At some point in American history, people paid for videos so that they could workout with a muppet…

Nothing more needs to be said.

Prostitution

A paper for English 102

Prostitution

Prostitution is a national problem. Too often, it is also a local problem. Our current solutions to that problem are not working. It is time for a new solution to the prostitution epidemic sweeping our nation. I will touch on a recent prostitution sting in Nixa, Missouri; where in the United States prostitution is legal; some national and Missouri prostitution statistics; and a radical new solution to prostitution in California.

On September 18, 2013 the Springfield News-Leader reported a story about a prostitution sting operation in Nixa, Missouri. “Christian County Associate Prosecuting Attorney Joseph Flees filed charges against three men for the misdemeanor of patronizing prostitution. Four women, the youngest 19 and the oldest 32, are charged with the class B misdemeanor of prostitution.” (Burger)

This story is too close to home. Prostitution is not a problem that I normally think of as a local issue. It happens in New York, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles. If pressed I would say I could see it happening in St. Louis or Kansas City, but this story is in my backyard. This is not a Hollywood story playing out on the big screen. There are women, maybe even women I know, who feel they have to put themselves in danger for money.

Prostitution is not a new concept. It is known as the world’s oldest profession. There is evidence of prostitution going back thousands of years. There is not an easy solution to this age old problem.

The internet has made the definition of what constitutes prostitution into a bit of a gray area. For example, you are on a website and you agree to meet a person at a predetermined place for sex. Technically, agreeing to meet that stranger can be seen as solicitation. Even if no money or goods will be traded for sex.

Prostitution is illegal in Missouri. According to criminaldefenselawyer.com, “People commit the crime of prostitution in Missouri by engaging in, offering, or agreeing to engage in sexual conduct in exchange for money or something else of value.” (Mince-Didier)  

In the United States, prostitution is illegal in 49 out of 50 states. The only state that allows prostitution is Nevada. Even there, it is only legal in 11 of the 16 counties. (“Prostitution in the United States”)

In 2010, 62,668 arrests were made for prostitution/commercialized vice nationally. 338 of those arrests were made in Missouri, according to the website procon.org. Nationally and locally those numbers have decreased since 2001. Nationally in 2001, 80,854 arrests for prostitution/commercialized vice were made. In Missouri the number of those arrests was 13,220. (“Prostitution Arrests”)

I do not know what has caused this downward trend. It is possible that it is due to alternative methods of dealing with women who are arrested for and charged with prostitution. There is a close tie between prostitution and human trafficking. Some areas of the country are working toward helping these women rather than arresting, prosecuting, and shuffling them back into the system.

A paradigm shift has been the focus of the Anaheim, California police department since 2011. In 2010 they realized that the women they were picking up for solicitation were coming from similar backgrounds. Most had been coerced or forced into prostitution by men they thought loved them. Once in that world, they believed that they had no other choice for survival. (Marcin)

Human traffickers tend to prey on women and girls who are already in situations that make them vulnerable. They convince them to run away with them using the lies of love and a better future. Once they have them away from everyone and everything they know, they become completely different people. The men use physical, mental, and emotional abuse to keep the women under their control. (Marcin)'

The women are told that they have to prostitute themselves to earn money for their survival. They are told that no one will ever want them or that their family would never accept them now that they have sold themselves. Any and all means are used to control and use them. (Marcin)

This police department decided to change the way that they handle these women. Rather than treat the symptom they are attacking the disease. The traditional approach is to arrest the hooker. The prostitution is then temporarily relocated. Obviously, this is a temporary Band-Aid on a much bigger problem. It is not a solution to the bigger problem. (Marcin)

Now they are focusing on rescuing women from these situations. Then they go after the pimps to work on eradicating the source of the problem. This makes the prostitutes potential victims and the pimps the suspects. (Marcin)

They then deal with these women in a way that is similar to how domestic violence victims are handled. Women are helped to escape, services are offered to help them understand their situation, services are also offered to assist them in redirecting their lives, and they are asked to help with the pursuit of the pimps and human traffickers. (Marcin)

This new technique has been a success. “From the project’s inception in August 2011 through April 2012, the APD vice detail has saved 29 women from their traffickers. Almost 40 percent are under 18 years old. Of those juveniles, records indicated that 77 percent were missing persons. Traffickers transported 81 percent of the 29 out of their home counties.” An update to the article states that, “As of October 31, 2012, 38 pimps have been arrested and charged. Twenty were convicted and 18 are awaiting trial. The Anaheim vice detail has rescued 52 human trafficking victims; only 4 are known to have returned to prostitution.” (Marcin)

Numbers alone cannot tell the true story of the success of this program. Each of those numbers represents a real person. It represents girls who were ripped from their world and forced into a nightmare. It is one thing for an adult to make the decision to become a prostitute. It is something completely different when they are forced into the life.

I did the math on the Anaheim police department’s success. Between August 2011 and April 2012, eight girls who had been reported as missing persons were found. That alone makes this program worthwhile. Imagine the ripple effect if this were to become a nationwide procedure.

Prostitution is a huge problem. We have looked at a local, to me, instance of prostitution; where in the United States prostitution is legal; the statistics of arrests made; and a radical approach to a possible solution to this problem. These women and girls need someone to stand up for them. They need someone to be their voice. You never know, next time, it could be in your backyard.

Your Choice

I tell people all the time that life is all about choices. You may not like that choice but you always have a choice. This is actually a lesson I learned from the movie Dangerous Minds when I was fifteen. It is so true.

Let's think about someone who was in a concentration camp. Truly living a nightmare. There are no good choices in a situation like that. But, there are choices. There's not even necessarily a right or wrong choice. You can choice whether to stand up and fight the guards, in which case you are probably going to die. Or you can go along with what the guards say, in which case you may die as well. Who is to say which is the right or even better choice. The point is there is a choice.

A man is in a car accident. He is paralyzed from the waist down. He could stay home and live a quiet life. Or he could go out and become a professional wheelchair rugby player. Because he has a choice.

I had a choice. I could have stuck with the norm. I could have stayed with my comfortable fairly well paying job. But, I made the choice to try for something better. Yes it's going to be hard and time consuming. I may even fail. But, I made a choice.

Every second of every moment of every day is about choices./You make the choice to get out of bed. You make the choice to have coffee with your eggs. Your choices no matter how insignificant they may seem lead us to the person you are today. What if your choice to take an extra 30 seconds to eat a piece of toast kept you from being in a car accident that would have led you to become a world class wheelchair rugby player.

Our choices determine who we are. If you don't like that person you have no one to blame but yourself. Your choices led you here. What choice will you make?

The Pledge of Allegiance

I saw this on Facebook. This makes me angry.  All of these types of shaming posts make me angry. Angry enough to actually do research. Here's what I found.

1. Under God was not put into the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. 20 years later Americans were spitting on members of our military when they came home from Vietnam.

2. The United States Constitution does not mention God. It does however give us the right to religious freedom. Our country was founded because of people who were escaping religious persecution.

I am a Christian. I believe in the one God. I do not believe that my religion is better than anyone else's religion. We, as a free country, have the right to worship however we please. Trying to shame other people in any way is the exact opposite of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Saying that you don't respect our military because of your religious beliefs is showing disrespect for our military. 

There are men and women of all religions, as well as atheists, who fight for our country. Men and women who make the ultimate sacrifice so that Americans can make asinine comments about respect.

Social Media

Let us sit down and have a frank talk about social media. Why are we going to do this? I have no idea it was Kanan's idea go ask her. I just write them. That does not mean that I know why I write them. Or that I even think about them. It's a stream of conciousness thing. If you were me you would undersstand.

Anyway...social media. There are a lot a different options. Some of them do the same things. Some of them are completely different. But, they all have one thing in common. Once the teenagers get bored with them they are history. Isn't that right MySpace? What is MySpace you say? Well it is....wait a minute! How old are you?

I noticed something about the find a friend feature today. On Pinterest it offers to find you more friends. So you click on the link and it takes you to people you actually know (or have at least friended on Facebook) or it gives you no options. This honestly is just sad and makes you feel alone in the world. If you click find a friend on Facebook it takes you to a list of people you MIGHT know, people you haven't seen or thought of in 30 years, or people your friends know-and-honestly-why-wouldn't-you-want-to-be-friends-with-people-your-friends-supposedly-know. There is always 1 or 2 complete strangers thrown into the mix. I have no idea what that is all about but occasionbally I like to live on the wild side.

After all of these crazy Facebook options; the options that Facebook itself has offered to you; the alien in control of knowing who your best friend was in second grade even though you don't even remeber, asks if you know this person in real life. If you answer no too many timnes then Facebook decides you are a psycho killer/stalker/troll or something equally horrible and you are banned from friending the strangers that they send your way.

Google+ and Tumblr are also social networking sites. Google+ is highly confusing and mind boggling. Besides no one uses it so it doesn't matter anyway. Tumblr is the domain of teens and adults who either haven't grown up or are very brave.

There are other social networking sites that are used and are generally for a specific area of interest. Do a Google search to find one. I can't do all the work for you.

Delaware Silly Laws

Delaware Silly Laws

Statewide:

“R” rated movies shall not be shown at drive-in theaters.
Someone might accidentally see it...
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Me: It's only a five minute flight
Whoever makes the rules: I don't care take this water and jerky!!

City Laws in Delaware

Lewes

It is illegal to wear pants that are “form fitting” around the waist.
City motto: We'd rather see your underwear
Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.
But they double dog dared me

Rehoboth Beach

One may not whisper in church.
Should I yell?
No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk.
Really sleeping is fine
Changing into or out of a bathing suit in a public restroom is prohibited.
I just want to know why
Six-year-old girls may not run around without being fully clothed.
Anyone over and under that age can be as naked as they want.
Alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time.
Oddly this is a fairly common law
No person shall change clothes in his or her vehicle.
Well I'm in trouble
On Halloween, children may only “trick-or-treat” from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM, and if Halloween falls on a Sunday, they must “trick-or-treat” on October 30 during this same time interval.
Not a lot of time for gathering loot.

South Bethany

All persons must carry a bag with them at all times when they walk their dog in case said dog “poops”, or risk a $100 fine.
Do they actually stop people and demand to see their poop bags?

Silly Laws: Conneticut

Connecticut Silly Laws

Statewide:

Town records may not be kept where liquor is sold.
Alcohol and records don't mix
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
Are they throwing all the pickles in Connecticut on the ground?
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
What are you supposed to do with them??
It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
Are there any private highways?
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
Is that even physically possible?

City Laws in Connecticut

Devon

It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
Maybe because walking  backward in the dark is dangerous.

Guilford

Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
Oh the chains of conformity

Hartford

It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
Shagging-yes kissing-no
You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
Safety first
You may not educate dogs.
We don't want those dogs thinking for themselves.

Meriden

The use of a bean whistle in public is prohibited.
What is a bean whistle???

New Britain

It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
Yeah that seems like a good idea.

Rocky Hill

An arcade may not have more than a total of four amusement devices such as ping-pong tables, pinball machines, or shuffleboard tables.
Plan:Move to Rocky Hill, open an arcade, roll in the dough
Reality: 500 kids for 4 games=riots

Southington

Silly string is banned.
Nobody likes silly string.

Waterbury

It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
Do NOT act like you enjoy your job.

Laws found at: http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/connecticut

Abortion

   A paper for my Political Science class.                                                      

                                                                    Abortion

      The issue of abortion can be a large part of a political party’s platform during election years. Since women make up more than half of the population of the United States, where a politician stands on this issue can make or break an election. In this paper I will review the official stance of the republican and democratic parties on abortion. Then give the authors personal views on the country’s current laws and whether or not they should be changed.

            The Democratic Party’s official stance is that a woman has the right to make decisions about her own body.  These decisions include the right to choose an abortion, the right to choose to keep the baby, and the availability of safe legal adoption. The Democratic Party upholds the ruling of Roe vs. Wade. They also feel that allowing a woman the option of affordable birth control will help to reduce the need for abortions. (www.democrats.org)

            The Republican Party believes that life starts at conception. Therefore a fetus should be protected under the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution. Basically, this amendment states than no state in the nation has the right to deny someone the privilege of life, liberty, or property. That all humans, including fetuses, should be treated equally with the same rights. They believe that Roe vs. Wade should be overturned. They are also against stem cell research when the stem cells are taken from an aborted fetus. (www.gop.com)

            I firmly believe in a woman’s right to choose. I believe that the ruling of Roe vs. Wade should be upheld. The United States government does not have the right to make this decision for any American woman. I do not believe that there should be any amendments or qualifications set on a woman’s right to get an abortion.

            I believe that the United States government should continue to uphold the Roe vs. Wade ruling. I also believe that the states that have changed local laws to make it more difficult to obtain an abortion should overturn those laws. There is not an instance when it would be allowable or right for the government to determine when it is proper for a woman to have an abortion. The government having a say in whether a woman can or cannot have an abortion, and in what instances it is allowed, is the medical equivalent of the government having a say on whether a person can have their gangrenous foot amputated.

            I also believe that making birth control available and affordable or even free will cut down on the instances of abortion. Sex education, including abstinence and contraceptive education, should be standard practice in all schools will also help with not only unplanned pregnancy but will cut down on the instances of STDs. Preventative medicine is cheaper and safer than dealing with the problem once it becomes a problem.

            In summary, the Democratic Party believes that Roe vs. Wade should be upheld. The Republican Party believes that abortion should be illegal. I believe that the government should not have any say in women’s reproductive choices.

A New Day: Shays Story

Shay awoke with a groan. Momentarily disoriented she looked around. She was lying on the side of the road in a patch of grass. Testing to see if she was hurt, she noted the only pain she felt came from her right ankle.

She had gone riding by herself yesterday. This was an absolutely shocking thing for a lady of her station to do. But, sometimes, she just had to escape. She needed to escape the tedium and pressure of being a proper lady of the south. She would put on some of her brother’s old clothes and sneak out late at night to go riding.

Unfortunately last night her horse had spooked and dumped her unceremoniously in this patch of wooded road. It would be some time yet before anyone even realized she was missing. She was not expected to be up early.

She sat up slowly, pulling her knees to her chin, and contemplated what she should do next. She couldn’t walk home because she had sprained her ankle when the horse threw her. She supposed that the best course of action was to sit and wait for someone to come along.

Not five minutes later she heard a horse approaching. Hallelujah she was saved. As the horse and rider drew to a stop she groaned to herself. Why did it have to be him?

She looked up into brilliant green eyes and said, “Good morning Mr. McLane.” She had known Michael McLane her entire life. His family owned the plantation next to theirs. The closest thing to a next door neighbor one can have with hundreds of acres separating homes. He was three years older than she. They had grown up together, gone to school together, and he had tormented her mercilessly her entire life.

“I didn’t realize you had returned from your travels,” she said as if she wasn’t sitting in the dirt in men’s clothing.

“I returned a few days ago. Tell me Miss Shay why are you sitting here all by your lonesome?” He had a voice like warm honeyed whiskey and he was the most handsome man in this part of the country. She had been in love with him for years. Not that he would ever be interested in someone like her. Proper southern gentlemen did not fall in love with ladies who would rather go riding than do needlework.

“I fancied a chat with the woodland creatures. What do you think I’m doing?”

He chuckled and got down off of his horse, saying, “Would you like a ride home?”

She extended her hand and said, “Yes. Thank you.” When their hands touched she felt as though she was shot with a bolt of lightning. Gasping she looked into his eyes. He just smiled, picked her up, and placed her on his horse. He then swung up behind her.

“Isn’t today your birthday celebration?” he asked as they set off down the road.

“Yes, I turned 18 two days ago.”

“Finally,” he muttered under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing”, he said. They drew up outside of her house. Helping her down from the horse he carried her onto the porch. “We’ll just wait here until someone wakes up to take you upstairs. It is a pity you won’t be able to dance at your own birthday celebration.”

She shrugged, unconcerned. “I’m not much for the frivolity. I much prefer the quiet.”

“As do I. Shay, I have a confession to make.”

She looked at him as he was framed by the rays of rising sun. He made her heart skip a beat just by looking at him. But, she could never let him know that. She arched an eyebrow and said, “A confession?”

He took both of her hands in one of his work roughened hands. He was no dandy lord of the manor. He worked just as hard as anyone else on their plantation. “I am going to move out west soon. I want to start a new home. A new life. Something I have built with my own two hands.”

She blinked and said, “That sounds absolutely marvelous. Does your father know?”

He nodded. “I have been planning this for years. I was just waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“For you.” She looked at him completely dumbfounded. “I have been in love with you since I was 5 years old. I have been waiting for you to come of age, hoping that you would marry me, and start a homestead with me.”

She sat there, speechless, as he kept talking. “I have found a beautiful piece of land in the west. I staked a claim on it. I want to raise horses and cattle. So what do you say?”

“Are you asking me to marry you?” she asked. She felt that she needed to clarify this situation.

“Yes.”

“And you want me to come with you and be a rancher’s wife?”

Grinning he said, “Yes.”

Suddenly, she threw her arms around his neck and said, “Oh yes! I have loved you for so very long. This is the happiest day of my life.”

With tears of joy streaming down her face, Shay and Michael kissed for the first time as the sun suddenly burst free over the horizon. The start of a new day and of the rest of their lives.

Miracles: Sheri's Story

My name is Sherry and my son is a miracle. He is a holy terror. He is the light of my life. He is also the reason I am on the verge of being a crazy person. This is our story.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “That’s how everyone feels when it comes to their children.” I am sure that is true. But, we are at a special level of crazy. It’s the fifth degree black belt of crazy. You see my son is autistic. 

Being the mother of a disabled child is a horrible and amazing world. The things that other people take for granted I see as momentous. I suppose most people would consider it making mountains out of molehills. Maybe it is. But, it has taught me to be thankful for things I never even would have noticed before.

First, let me tell you, there is no such thing as normal. The people society usually thinks of as “normal” are actually neurotypical or NT. Now that you are up on the lingo let me give you a glimpse into our world.

I know people with NT children who joke about wishing their child would just be quiet. Listening to a child yell mom over and over again works on the nerves of most parents. I have lots of empathy; I can understand how frustrating that can be. I also have the other perspective where hearing my son say mom is music to my ears. There was a time when we weren’t sure he would ever speak. And maybe one day I will be lucky enough to get tired of hearing it. One can only hope.

In many ways I feel sorry for the parents of NT kids. They will never know how blessed I am. They will never have the joy of learning to slow down and celebrate the little victories. Do they get to cheer every time their child buttons his own pants? Do they throw a party the day their child learns to spell his name? No? It’s kind of sad to think that they don’t.

Of course there are more bad moments than good. There are days when my son is upset because of something that most people wouldn’t even notice. Maybe the tag on his shirt is itchy. He doesn’t have the ability to ignore those sensations. That itch it the equivalent of being attacked by an army of fire ants. This causes a meltdown. Sometimes those meltdowns are so bad I have to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself.

 But the good days far outweigh the bad. The moment that I am ready to rip my hair out, throw in the towel, and sit crying in a corner is when something miraculous happens. 

My son doesn’t say I love you. I mean he will say it if he is prompted. If you say I love you to him he will answer in his own way. But, he has never spontaneously said it. 

One day we were having one of those bad days. One of those everything-is-going-wrong-this-would-make-a-great-sitcom-episode-and-why-doesn’t-my-life-have-a-laugh-track kinds of days. The kind of day where,when I finally got my son to sleep for a nap, I lay there next to him and cried. I ended up falling asleep there with him. 

I opened my eyes to find myself staring into the biggest, bluest eyes you have ever seen. My son was staring at me with a quizzical look on his face. Suddenly, he put his hand on my tear stained cheek and in his little boy voice said, “I love you.”

I live in a world full of miracles. 

My Things: Kana's Story

I love all my things. All of my things that I like having close at hand at all times. I like touching them. I like seeing them. I even like smelling them. They all have a different smell. The smells are sweet and sour. Musty and fresh Vanilla and chocolate. They want to take my things away from me.

My daughter and I fight about my things all the time. I don’t know why she doesn’t understand how important my things are. I can tell you the story of every one of those. Like, see this….I know it just looks like a plain hair brush to you. But this hairbrush was given to me by a very sweet little red haired girl when we were in third grade. It was a Christmas present. It belongs right here on the top of my hair stuff pile. It is oh so important to me.

Oh yeah, my daughter doesn’t understand that. She thinks there is something wrong with me. She told me she won’t come to see me anymore until I get rid of my things.

How am I supposed to choose between my things? Do I tell her which child she should love the most? Do I make her choose between her children? Oh the children! I have grandchildren you know. Three of them. I’ve never met them but I have pictures.

Come with me I’ll show you their pictures. They are in the back bedroom. It used to be my daughters room but she got rid of everything she ever had when she left. She doesn’t understand about things.

All that we must do is go down this hallway. Watch out! Don’t step on my unicorns! Those are very special to me. Here climb over these baskets. Those baskets are a treasure. They are full of VHS movies. I love movies don’t you? Yes movies are so wonderful. I have fifteen TVs so I can watch as many movies as I want. Just over and over and over. 

            Where were we going? Pictures? Oh I have lots and lots of pictures. What kind of pictures did you want to see? Of my grandchildren? Oh I have wonderful grandchildren. My daughter told me I do. I’m so excited that you get to see them. Do you like cats? I love cats. I used to have a cat but I don’t know where it went. It just went away. It was gray. Do you like gray cats? Gray cats are my favorite kind of cats.

Oh look pictures! This is a picture of Paris. This is a picture of a lake. This is a picture of a man. What? Oh no I didn’t take these. These are the pictures that people left when I worked at the one hour photo place. All those poor pictures that someone cared enough to take but no one wanted to pick up. It’s just sad really. This is a horse. There is a dog.

Do you think I should let them take my things away? Where would they go? What would we do with them? Would someone appreciate my unicorns? What about my munchkins? Oh yes I have munchkins! Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz. Come, come with me and I will show them to you. I am so glad that you are here to appreciate my munchkins.

Time to go? Where are we going? Oh no I can’t go with you. I can’t leave my things. Who would take care of them? No please no don’t make me go! I’m not crazy! I swear I’m not! Please just go and leave me here. Please…..

People say that I am a hoarder. I have been in this hospital for a long time. No one comes to visit me and I am not allowed to have anything. They say the therapy is doing me good and that one day I may not be crazy anymore. That I had gone for days without eating surrounded by my things. They say I am sane now. Surrounded by other people and living my life in a cell instead of alone and surrounded by my things.

Sane is overrated. 

Whispers Of Memory: Jenny's Story

Jenny sits on her porch drinking a morning cup of tea. She watches the neighborhood kids chasing each other while giggling and shrieking. Her memory kicks back to a time of gentler and kinder days. Back to the days when she would run and giggle and shriek.

She and her cousin Gracie would spend summers on their grandma’s farm. The farm next door had three brothers that were around the same ages as Jenny and Gracie. After morning chores were done they would meet in the field between their farmhouses.

The boys, being boys, loved to chase the girls. They also loved to hear the girls shriek. While the girls were sitting in the grass making daisy chains or laying in the grass looking at the clouds the boys would hunt up a snake or a frog. Then they would chase the girls around while the girls giggled and shrieked knowing that the boys would never really hurt them.

Jenny smiled wistfully. Ah the simpler days of youth. She got up from her chair and walked inside. It was time to start her day. Jenny sat down at her desk and turned on her computer. She felt her cat twisting its way around her ankles. As she waited for her computer to boot up she drifted back to that farm.

It was another summer day 2 years later. She was an awkward preteen. She and the oldest neighbor boy, Chris, Chris had left the younger kids behind while they went to his barn. He wanted to show her the mother cat and her kittens. The kittens were almost old enough to leave their mother and were tumbling all over each other. Jenny squealed in delight and picked up the black one. It gently swatted at her nose. She giggled and kissed the top of its head.

Back in her office Jenny looked at her feet. The cat that wound its way around her ankles was the daughter of that black kitten from long ago. Patting her cat on the head she got to work.

A few hours later Jenny heard rain hitting the roof. She couldn’t believe she had been so absorbed in her work that she hadn’t noticed the storm rolling in. And it was past lunchtime. She wandered into the kitchen and popped her TV dinner into the microwave. While she waited for it to cook she listened to the rain and thought back to another rainy day.

She was 15 that summer. She and Chris were inseparable. All of the other kids were too young to appreciate how important being 15 was. She and Chris spent their days down by the creek with their feet in the water catching minnows. On this particular day a sudden summer thunderstorm caught them out in the open. There was a small outbuilding that they hid in to protect themselves from the lightning. Sitting there in the semi dark, giggling and out of breath, Chris suddenly kissed her.

The microwave dinged startling Jenny back to the present. She smiled fondly at the old memory and sat down to eat her late lunch. After lunch she went in to town to shop. While she was walking down the street she suddenly smelled pizza.

She and Chris had their first date at a pizza place. She was 16 that next summer. He had nervously asked her out. They had sat in that booth and laughed like there was no one else in the world. When Chris dropped her off that night he had told her he was going to marry her someday.

Jenny was jostled out of her daydream by a passerby. She quickly finished her shopping and headed home. After putting away the groceries she sat in her favorite chair on the porch again. She had bought a cupcake in her favorite flavor. As she took a bite she was transported back to her wedding day.

Chris had been right. There they stood in front of their family and friends tasting their wedding cake. She was a vision in white and he had never looked more handsome than he did in his tuxedo. She laughed joyfully as she smeared cake all over Chris’ face.  

Jenny suddenly sucked in a breath. She placed her hands on her stomach and rubbed. She whispered softly, “Don’t worry baby. We will have many more days of laughter to come.”