My Things: Kana's Story

I love all my things. All of my things that I like having close at hand at all times. I like touching them. I like seeing them. I even like smelling them. They all have a different smell. The smells are sweet and sour. Musty and fresh Vanilla and chocolate. They want to take my things away from me.

My daughter and I fight about my things all the time. I don’t know why she doesn’t understand how important my things are. I can tell you the story of every one of those. Like, see this….I know it just looks like a plain hair brush to you. But this hairbrush was given to me by a very sweet little red haired girl when we were in third grade. It was a Christmas present. It belongs right here on the top of my hair stuff pile. It is oh so important to me.

Oh yeah, my daughter doesn’t understand that. She thinks there is something wrong with me. She told me she won’t come to see me anymore until I get rid of my things.

How am I supposed to choose between my things? Do I tell her which child she should love the most? Do I make her choose between her children? Oh the children! I have grandchildren you know. Three of them. I’ve never met them but I have pictures.

Come with me I’ll show you their pictures. They are in the back bedroom. It used to be my daughters room but she got rid of everything she ever had when she left. She doesn’t understand about things.

All that we must do is go down this hallway. Watch out! Don’t step on my unicorns! Those are very special to me. Here climb over these baskets. Those baskets are a treasure. They are full of VHS movies. I love movies don’t you? Yes movies are so wonderful. I have fifteen TVs so I can watch as many movies as I want. Just over and over and over. 

            Where were we going? Pictures? Oh I have lots and lots of pictures. What kind of pictures did you want to see? Of my grandchildren? Oh I have wonderful grandchildren. My daughter told me I do. I’m so excited that you get to see them. Do you like cats? I love cats. I used to have a cat but I don’t know where it went. It just went away. It was gray. Do you like gray cats? Gray cats are my favorite kind of cats.

Oh look pictures! This is a picture of Paris. This is a picture of a lake. This is a picture of a man. What? Oh no I didn’t take these. These are the pictures that people left when I worked at the one hour photo place. All those poor pictures that someone cared enough to take but no one wanted to pick up. It’s just sad really. This is a horse. There is a dog.

Do you think I should let them take my things away? Where would they go? What would we do with them? Would someone appreciate my unicorns? What about my munchkins? Oh yes I have munchkins! Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz. Come, come with me and I will show them to you. I am so glad that you are here to appreciate my munchkins.

Time to go? Where are we going? Oh no I can’t go with you. I can’t leave my things. Who would take care of them? No please no don’t make me go! I’m not crazy! I swear I’m not! Please just go and leave me here. Please…..

People say that I am a hoarder. I have been in this hospital for a long time. No one comes to visit me and I am not allowed to have anything. They say the therapy is doing me good and that one day I may not be crazy anymore. That I had gone for days without eating surrounded by my things. They say I am sane now. Surrounded by other people and living my life in a cell instead of alone and surrounded by my things.

Sane is overrated. 

Whispers Of Memory: Jenny's Story

Jenny sits on her porch drinking a morning cup of tea. She watches the neighborhood kids chasing each other while giggling and shrieking. Her memory kicks back to a time of gentler and kinder days. Back to the days when she would run and giggle and shriek.

She and her cousin Gracie would spend summers on their grandma’s farm. The farm next door had three brothers that were around the same ages as Jenny and Gracie. After morning chores were done they would meet in the field between their farmhouses.

The boys, being boys, loved to chase the girls. They also loved to hear the girls shriek. While the girls were sitting in the grass making daisy chains or laying in the grass looking at the clouds the boys would hunt up a snake or a frog. Then they would chase the girls around while the girls giggled and shrieked knowing that the boys would never really hurt them.

Jenny smiled wistfully. Ah the simpler days of youth. She got up from her chair and walked inside. It was time to start her day. Jenny sat down at her desk and turned on her computer. She felt her cat twisting its way around her ankles. As she waited for her computer to boot up she drifted back to that farm.

It was another summer day 2 years later. She was an awkward preteen. She and the oldest neighbor boy, Chris, Chris had left the younger kids behind while they went to his barn. He wanted to show her the mother cat and her kittens. The kittens were almost old enough to leave their mother and were tumbling all over each other. Jenny squealed in delight and picked up the black one. It gently swatted at her nose. She giggled and kissed the top of its head.

Back in her office Jenny looked at her feet. The cat that wound its way around her ankles was the daughter of that black kitten from long ago. Patting her cat on the head she got to work.

A few hours later Jenny heard rain hitting the roof. She couldn’t believe she had been so absorbed in her work that she hadn’t noticed the storm rolling in. And it was past lunchtime. She wandered into the kitchen and popped her TV dinner into the microwave. While she waited for it to cook she listened to the rain and thought back to another rainy day.

She was 15 that summer. She and Chris were inseparable. All of the other kids were too young to appreciate how important being 15 was. She and Chris spent their days down by the creek with their feet in the water catching minnows. On this particular day a sudden summer thunderstorm caught them out in the open. There was a small outbuilding that they hid in to protect themselves from the lightning. Sitting there in the semi dark, giggling and out of breath, Chris suddenly kissed her.

The microwave dinged startling Jenny back to the present. She smiled fondly at the old memory and sat down to eat her late lunch. After lunch she went in to town to shop. While she was walking down the street she suddenly smelled pizza.

She and Chris had their first date at a pizza place. She was 16 that next summer. He had nervously asked her out. They had sat in that booth and laughed like there was no one else in the world. When Chris dropped her off that night he had told her he was going to marry her someday.

Jenny was jostled out of her daydream by a passerby. She quickly finished her shopping and headed home. After putting away the groceries she sat in her favorite chair on the porch again. She had bought a cupcake in her favorite flavor. As she took a bite she was transported back to her wedding day.

Chris had been right. There they stood in front of their family and friends tasting their wedding cake. She was a vision in white and he had never looked more handsome than he did in his tuxedo. She laughed joyfully as she smeared cake all over Chris’ face.  

Jenny suddenly sucked in a breath. She placed her hands on her stomach and rubbed. She whispered softly, “Don’t worry baby. We will have many more days of laughter to come.”

Cross Country: Kana's Story

“No I didn’t!” “Yes you did!”

“Stop it! I’m telling!”

“You aren’t my mother/boss/brother/sister/family!”

“I hate you!”

“Are we there yet?”

“The next time we stop I’m leaving you all on the side of the road and you can figure out how to get home on your own!  Oh yes I can do that. I have a job. I have all the money and I can do whatever I want.”

That last one was said by me. Because, after 8 hours in a car listening to my family scream and fight I tend to become irrational. Because, well, they are irrational.

My name is Margo and I am one of the parental units in a blended family. Between us we have six kids. Three boys and three girls. Like The Brady Bunch from hell. Want to know what the worst part is? It isn’t the yelling, or the hitting, or the forced togetherness. It is the fact that this family of mine didn’t come with an Alice. We really need an Alice.

Before you go getting the wrong idea, I love my family. We have been a big old (sometimes) happy family for five years now. The oldest two will be leaving for college in a few weeks. So, my husband and I decided we should take a family vacation across the country. Together. In a car. With six teenagers. Apparently that wedding came with a handy lobotomy. Did I manage to forget that I have kids? Oh no, just that traveling with them is hell.

Did I mention that I am making this trip alone? My wonderful, extremely lucky, rotten louse of a husband couldn’t get off work for three more days. So he will be flying in to meet us at the final destination. Final destination….wasn’t that a horror movie? Oh how appropriate.

I think I officially lost my mind 500 miles ago. I am crazy. Not in a fun Bugs Bunny kind of way. More like in a Hannibal Lecter meets Freddie Krueger kind of way. When we get to our camping spot (yes camping no comfy beds for us) I am going to lock myself in the car and eat all the S’mores fixings. 

Oh good we are finally here. The older 3 argue and fight while setting up the tents. The younger three and I stumble around looking for firewood. No fancy RV parks for us. Our campsites are all in the middle of nowhere. That way we can lean back and watch the satellites blink in the sky. Just like in the frontier days. Once we get the fire started, thanks to lighter fluid and Bic, the evening growling and barking starts. No we aren’t surrounded by wild dogs. I’m traveling with hungry male teenagers remember? Out come the hot dogs, chips, and all the fixings. A gourmet dinner fit for a king. Then there are the S’mores. I sigh as I watch them slurp up all the chocolate I had planned to horde for myself.

We decided to hop into the nearby lake to cool and clean off. The squeals of anger and frustration turn to squeals of fun and laughter as the kids dove into the chilly lake. Soon the kids were playing a game of “catch the fish.” It appeared to me that the fish were winning. I stretched out on the bank and allowed the setting rays of sun to warm up and soothe my tired muscles.

When the kids were good and worn out we huddled up in our sleeping bags around the campfire. One by one the kids told stories. Funny stories about our lives together over the last five years. Scary ghost stories that made us shiver with fear. Plans for future family get togethers.

One by one they drifted off to sleep there on the ground. Tents had been completely forgotten. I lay back with a smile on my face. I pitied my poor husband for missing this wonderful trip. 

The Switch: Jho's Story

Nurse Remy was a miserable person. She hated her life, her job, and her patients. Especially the patients. She couldn’t understand why they didn’t stop whining and bothering her all the time. These people were waited on hand and foot. By her! What did they have to complain about? She just couldn’t wait to go home and forget this place and these people every day.

Jennifer was a sweet elderly lady. She loved life. Even though she was bed ridden and unable to care for herself she loved waking up every day. She had lived a long full life. She had many blessings that she counted daily.

Nurse Remy went into Jennifer’s room that morning with a worse attitude than usual. She flounced around grumbling under her breath. She went over to Jennifer’s bed to change and dress her for the day. Nurse Remy roughly tossed and turned Jennifer in the bed as she angrily undressed then dressed her. Jennifer said, “Is something wrong dear?”

As Remy slammed Jennifer’s breakfast tray down on the table she growled, “We are shorthanded today so I have to do my job and the aides. Now be quiet and eat your breakfast.” With that she stomped out of the room.

Jennifer wondered what it would take to make someone so obviously unhappy with life. She struggled through her breakfast and then sat back to watch her stories. The things those characters got themselves into were hilarious. She was chuckling merrily when Remy came in with her medications.

“What are you so happy about? You can’t even get out of that bed,” Remy snapped. Jennifer just smiled. When Remy leaned over the bed, Jennifer placed her hand on Remy’s cheek. “I hope one day you can understand what it is like to be me.” Jennifer patted Remy’s cheek.

As Remy straightened up the ground and walls began to shake. Remy and Jennifer were both thrown to the ground.

            Remy woke up on the floor and looked around. Nothing had moved. The only thing that was different was the body lying next to her. She reached out to help Jennifer when she realized she was looking at herself. She started screaming. Obviously she was dead. People came running in and were looking at her and talking to her. How was that possible? She looked down at her hands and started screaming again. Those weren’t her hands. The employees were trying to soothe her and reason with her. She continued screaming and was thrashing wildly. She kept saying, “I’m Remy. I’m a nurse.”

The employees called an ambulance for her and the body on the floor that still hadn’t moved. When they got her into the hospital she was sedated and put through a battery of tests. It was determined that she must have suffered brain damage from the fall. But, she had no other injuries. So she was sent back to the nursing home.

Eventually, she was moved to the Alzheimer’s unit because the staff believed her delusions were getting worse and that she was a danger to herself. She lived out the rest of her days dealing with the indignities of a patient who is incapable of caring for herself.

Jennifer had woken up in the hospital. When she realized that she was young and whole again she signed herself out of the hospital. She spent the rest of her time in Remy’s body making the world a better place. She used the power of being a nurse, at least in name, to lobby for better treatment of the elderly. She became a fierce patient advocate and died peacefully in her bed many years later. 

Traffic: Kana's Story

OMG!!!!!

WTF!!!!!

I’m going to die!

These are the words that went through my head as I was avoiding another near collision on the way to work this morning. I do not know who decided that men were the superior drivers but they obviously don’t take my daily commute. Almost every single accident or near accident I have ever been in involved a man.

Driving down the interstate when a ladder comes flying off the back of a truck causing me to run over it and totally screw up my alignment….man.

The time someone backed into my car  at a stoplight because they randomly decided that they needed to go left….man

The teenager who rear-ended me then told the police that the light had turned green so he didn’t stop even though there were four nonmoving cars in front of me….mini man.

The person who backed into my car while I was out of my car getting gas and then acted like I should be upset about the damage to her car….woman. Okay it’s not a perfect scenario.

I have learned important things about myself and others through all these and other encounters.

1.      My inner “OMG I’m going to die!” voice is a teenage girl. And she loves text speak.

2.      People are stupid.

3.   Women and men alike love to blame the victim for these accidents.

4.   I can scream louder than the best fangirl on her best day.

5.   Always carry a change of pants with you.

I stopped drinking coffee because my morning commute makes me jittery enough. I took

up drinking alcohol because my nightly commute makes me jittery. Basically, I am always jittery. I see things that make my blood curdle every day. I think I may have PTSD.

            My boss won’t let me work from home and my doctor won’t give me medicine. Whenever I tell people about how bad things are for me they laugh. The big strong man is afraid of a ten mile drive? Don’t they understand that no one knows how to drive?

            Things would be so much better if everyone that wasn’t me just stopped. Clearly I am the only one who is capable of handling a motor vehicle responsibly.

            Why do four way stops confuse people? It’s first come first served. It really seems like a realtively simple process doesn’t it? But, no! There’s always some jackalope waving you on when it’s your turn. He either thinks he’s in charge of what’s going on or he thinks he’s being nice for letting you go. It was already my turn! I don’t need your permission!

            Do everyone a favor and put down the cheeseburger. Doughnut. Coffee. Cell phone. Mascara. Electric razor.  Or whatever else it is that distracts you from actually driving.

            Oh thank you thank you thank you I made it to work alive. Eight hours where I don’t have to worry about driving. I have never loved my job as much as I do lately. Excuse me I have to get to work now.

            “Welcome to the DMV. My name is Jack. How can I help you?”

Count Your Blessings: Moof''s Story

Hola. Como esta? My name is Paco and I want to tell you the story of the day my life changed forever.

It was a miserable day. Cold and rainy. The kind of day where I couldn’t get dry or warm. My house had collapsed from the rain. My house was a cardboard box. It was a darn good box too.

I had been homeless and living in the alleys, sewers, and bus stops of Seattle for years. I don’t even remember how many years. Time didn’t have a lot of meaning for me back then. People always want to know how I ended up homeless. After all I am a MBA and was once a very successful businessman. My wife and child were killed in an auto accident. Afterward I shut myself up in our mortgaged to the hilt home and drank myself into oblivion until I was literally thrown out due to foreclosure. Eventually I was able to stop drinking. And here I am.

I was going through the trash looking for a new box. Or some other wonderful treasure. I found a lottery ticket, a pair of men’s shoes, and a handful of change. It was a bonanza. I always kept lottery tickets because sometimes people don’t realize that they have won 1 or 2 dollars. And you would be amazed at the amount of change that gets thrown away.

I went to the gas station to get a cup of coffee and check my ticket. Oh coffee. It is so warm and wonderful. It is the thing I missed the most while I was homeless. I scanned my ticket and it came up as $5 million. Well, obviously I thought that was a computer error. But, I may have won something so I took the ticket to the cashier.

She scanned the ticket. Her eyes grew very wide and she said in a high shriek, “You won $5 million!” I couldn’t believe it. I was stunned. My mind started racing with all the possibilities. Could I find the true owner of the ticket? No. What should I do with all that money? I stumbled out of the gas station in a daze. I sat on a park bench and tried to figure out what to do next. Luckily, the lottery office is here in the city. I had just enough change to ride the bus across town. I cashed in my ticket and set out to turning my life around.

Using my MBA and business savvy I was able to increase the $5 million. I lived a very simple existence in a very cheap apartment. I still lead a simple life but now I have combined my business and living space. The most important thing to me was to give back. To help the many homeless people in the Seattle area.

I started an entirely eco-friendly homeless shelter. Well I guess it’s more like a compound. A tent city maybe. Whatever you want to call it the people who stay there help out with the upkeep. We have a garden, a natural filtration system, recycling, and composting.  We offer substance abuse counseling, job training, and a physical address. We do everything we can to help these people get back on their feet.

Eventually, I would like to open facilities across the United States. Every penny I earn, short of the small amount I need to survive, goes back into this cause.  

A homeless man finds a winning lottery ticket and uses it to fund a self-run eco homeless shelter. Fate smiled on me that cold and rainy day. I don’t believe that the reality of what has happened has hit me. It all feels like a wonderful dream. I am able to have a roof over my head and provide that for others as well. And, best of all, I can have all the coffee I want.

A Day In The Life Day 6 & 7

Friday

Got up at 5 to take the dogs for a walk. It was once again like walking through pea soup. Halfway into the walk even the dogs were like We're done! They went up to the door of a closed business and sat down like they were waiting to be let in. 

I need to set an alarm when I get into the shower. Time seems to have no meaning. It's like the shower is a portal to an alternate universe where time speeds up or something.

Just got off the phone with the library. They are claiming I damaged a CD in a book on tape and I owe $8. That may not seem like a lot but it feels like I'm never going to get out from under this current finacial mess. To the point that I am crying, At work. No wonder I haven't wanted to get out of bed lately.

Since it's a crappy day anyway I am working on algebra.

Got algebra completely done for next week. It might even be right.....maybe. Probably not. On the bright side if we show our work we get partial credit.

Noticed that I had an all time high of 49 views on my blog the 27th. I'm moving up in the world!
As soon as I left work I went to my mom's we had a big family dinner where mayhem and hilarity ensued as usual.

Saturday

My son's 13th birthday. I don't want to talk about it.