New Year's Resolution

It has been over a year since I have posted on my blog. So I am going to jump on the New Year bandwagon and start blogging once again. My plan is to post once a day again. It will be interesting to see if I can come up with ideas. And as always I am open to any suggestions.

My other resolution is to lose the weight that I lose and pack back on every few years. If it were possible for me to comfortably tie my own shoes I'd just wallow in being fat. Obviously I'm going into it with an amazing, upbeat attitude.

My day started with a low tire. Then my cell phone became totally possessed and is no longer functioning. My Microsoft Office isn't working and I'm exhausted. Funny isn't really in my repertoire for this, my first blog post of 2016. I'm sure tomorrow I will once again be hilarious.

See ya'all on the other side.

Donnie Darko

I had to watch and write a paper on Donnie Darko for my Abnormal Psychology class.

Donnie Darko

            The title character, Donnie Darko, portrayed by Jake Gyllenhall, is an intelligent but dark teenager. He is surrounded by cast of characters that range from amusing to deeply disturbed. He is being directed by a giant talking rabbit. After the rabbit named Frank tells him to leave his room in the middle of the night, a jet engine comes crashing through the roof and lands in his room. Since Frank the rabbit saved his life, Donnie feels that he must listen to what Frank says.

            Frank directs Donnie to do many destructive things that lead to positive results, such as catching a child pornographer. Unfortunately, Frank also tells Donnie about the end of the world happening in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. Little does Donnie realize that it’s just his world that will be ending. The series of events of the movie lead to the destruction of many of the people he cares about. His mother and sister die in a plane crash, his girlfriend is stabbed, and his favorite teacher is fired.

            But, there is hope! Because in the course of the movie he discovers the secret to time travel. Using a worm hole, he travels back in time so that he is killed by the jet engine. The idea being that without him none of the rest would have happened.

            Donnie has schizophrenia with visual and auditory hallucinations. I believe that the movie does a good job of portraying a teen spiraling out of control with this disorder. The movie was very dark, not only in tone but visually. I missed most of the visual symbolism of the movie as I was unable to actually see anything. In fact I’m just guessing on the girlfriend being stabbed just from what I heard as it was dark as pitch.

            I believe that Donnie has oppositional defiance disorder, as Donnie is very in your face with all authority figures. He is so defiant that he ends up of screaming at a teacher in front of the class. But, this is not the typical ranting that the media portrays with mental illness (any movie or TV show with a homeless person shows them screaming incoherently), this is a well thought out and concise attack on the teacher. This does a service to the mentally ill I believe, as it shows that they can be highly intelligent and educated.

            I think that this movie was made to be confusing and to make people question their long held beliefs of mental illness, authority, time travel, the American school system, and themselves.

Gender Equality and Feminism

Feminism is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. I am proud to call myself a feminist. Not a so called femi-nazi, but a woman who believes that men and women are equal in all ways. Physically there are some differences but intellectually, emotionally, and in all other ways men and women are on the same equal footing. As a nurse I work in a so called pink collar job. This gives me an interesting and unique perspective into the world of gender equality.

Men and women are equal, period. Unfortunately there are many people who do not seem to understand this concept of feminism. The worst of those are so called feminists who believe that their version of feminism is the only right one. If you are a stay at home mom you are putting the women that came before us to shame. If you choose to work you are neglecting your children. If you dress in a sexy manner then you are stepping on the very throat of feminism. If you dress conservatively then you are pandering to a male dominated society. Women shaming women is the worst blow to the fight for gender equality that there could possibly be.

Here’s the way this is supposed to work. The feminists that came before us fought for women’s equality so that you could be the best woman that you want to be. That means that you can be a stay at home mom, a working mom, a working from home mom, or not even be a mom if that is what you want. You have the right and the power to dress like a Pussycat Doll or like Madeline Albright that is your right. The only right thing that we can do is to embrace each other’s choices.

The other end of the stick is the men, the male dominated workforce, and the male centric world that tries to keep us down. Women are still paid less than men in the male dominated work force. The glass ceiling is still a very real concept. Women are still blamed for their own rape. Uninformed men are still saying things like women can’t get pregnant from legitimate rape.

Why are we still talking about the first woman to do something? Even in our awards shows men and women aren’t equal. There are best male and female categories. Can you imagine the backlash that would come if there was a best African American or best Hispanic category? Until men and women are judged on the same platform we will never be truly equal.

The good news is that you don’t have to be a female to be a feminist. There are men, who have big voices and far reaching fame, that speak out for the equality of women. One day we will stand equal, shoulder to shoulder with men. When that day comes we will not need a definition for equality. Feminism will be an ancient concept. I hope that day is soon.

Deviant Behavior

For this assignment on deviant behavior I decided to do something that would be fairly normal for me but completely odd for the average Jane Doe. I decided to perform this act in a place that would be completely public but would also allow me to have someone who knows me well there. I decided that the perfect public place would be the hospital cafeteria. This is a world where some of the people that are there on a daily basis have seen it all and aren’t shocked by anything anymore. The families of the patients are easy to pick out, they look completely lost and  never thought to be involved in such chaos.

My latest Sociology project

It was a Monday during lunch. Monday’s are always incredibly busy in the cafeteria and lunch is absolutely the busiest time of the day. I was in the cafeteria with one of my coworkers. Nonchalantly I picked up a plastic spoon and walked around with it in my mouth handle first. The spoon was situated so that the bowl of the spoon was sticking out.

This act would be considered deviant because normally people don’t walk around with silverware in their mouths, particularly not in public. That is one of those things mothers all over the world yell at their children about. “Don’t run around with that spoon on your mouth! You’ll trip and it will choke you or go through the back of your head!” I believe that is a common scene in most people’s childhoods. And if they were to walk around with a spoon in their mouth,  they would normally hold it in their mouth in the correct way, not backwards. I was an oddball in a sea of people who were trying to act normal.

I didn’t feel odd or excited by the deviant behavior. This is something I would do completely unconsciously on any day of the week. I tend to be a little bit of an oddball and walk off the beaten path on a regular basis. My friend and I did have a good giggle about it later.

My biggest test was  when I waved at the CEO of the hospital while holding the spoon in my mouth. He didn’t say anything. He just smiled and nodded with an odd quizzical look on his face. My friend, who is used to that sort of behavior from me, didn’t say anything she just shook her head and went on about her business. She did give me a hard time about waving at the CEO later. The majority of the people in the cafeteria didn’t pay a bit of attention to me. For the most part they were rushing around to get the chance to eat during their lunch break. Or they were trying to find something fast and easy so that they could get back to their families up on the floor. There are always the rare few who are taking their time. These are usually the people who are waiting for a surgery or a test to be done.

I think if I were to try this test again I would do it in a public place where people aren’t used to seeing oddballs.

Social Interactions

This is a sociology assignment. In it I was supposed to answer a list of questions. I chose to do this in essay form.

On a typical Friday I occupy my work space, which is an office setting, and a restaurant with my boyfriend. At work I am professional and focused on the task at hand. In order to have total focus I wear headphones and listen to music. Occasionally I take them off to discuss business matters with my coworkers. Even in times that we are talking about things outside of work there is a level of professionalism that I maintain. In the restaurant I laugh and joke with my boyfriend while having little interaction with anyone else there. But, I am still mindful of the other people in the restaurant and tailor my volume and tone to not disturb anyone.

My backstage areas would be in the car and at home. In the protective bubble of my car I dance and sing like no one is watching. At home I am completely able to be myself. I might take off all my clothes and eat a quart of ice cream while watching a mindless reality show. Or I might sit at my desk and work on my homework in a studious fashion.

All in all I do act differently in my front and back stage areas. When I am in a place where I can absolutely be myself I tend to be loud and vocal. In order to not be that way on the front stage I avoid interacting with other people.

I believe that there are many people who act in socially desirable ways even in their backstage areas. I can think of quite a few instances just off the top of my head. However, I am not one of those people. My brother once told me I have the ability to be anything I need to be in any given situation. (I should have been a spy) But, in my personal areas, with the people I feel completely comfortable with, I don’t have any socially desirable pretenses.

I absolutely believe that we are who we are at the core of our being. I have five biological siblings who were all raised by the same people in the same way. Even though there are six of us, every one of us has our own very distinct personality and our very own special quirks. I think that saying we are all essentially blobs cut from the same mold and are only a product of our circumstances is a total disservice to people and to the human spirit. If that were true then we would not have revolutionaries. We would all be content to just wander through life doing the exact same things, in the exact same ways as all the people around us. Granted, some of our traits are forged through our life circumstances but to say that we are only made through those circumstances would be to say that the unfortunate parents of serial killers raise them up to be that way. To me that sounds like a cop out to place the blame on someone else besides yourself.

Group dynamics

This is my first Sociology assignment.

I am a 33 year old white female, a single mom, a nurse, a student, a sister/aunt/daughter, and a Christian. At 33 years old I am beginning into the portion of my life where my grandparents are dying, my parents are starting to have major health problems, and I have to start facing my own mortality. As a Caucasian in the Midwest I am similar to most of the people around me, without a particular culture or heritage. Being female means living with the stereotypes that people place on women. I am considered to be weak or ignorant by some people. As a single mom I have to play the roles of father and mother. As a nurse I hold the health and lives of people in my hands. As a student I am expected to strive for academic excellence. As a sister/aunt/daughter I am looked to by my family for support and help. As a Christian, society looks at me to be a good role model and to not mess up.

All of these things work together to put a tremendous load of responsibility on my shoulders. At any given moment of any given day someone is looking to me for answers, for a helping hand, for food, or for one of another plethora of things that they need. Instead of making me angry or bitter, this has made me into a stronger person who can, and will, face whatever challenges come my way. This doesn’t always mean that it’s going to be easy or enjoyable. It will however be worth it.

If I imagine I were to be the opposite of who I am I would be a minority, male, married with a wife but no children, a businessman, a teacher, an only child with no parents, and an atheist. Let’s say as a minority I were African American I imagine that I would feel somewhat out of place in the Midwest where seeing someone else that looked like me would be a rare thing. A black face in a sea of white. As a male I would still have to deal with some of the stereotypes but they would tend to be more positive. I would be considered competent and able. I can’t even fathom what it would be like in a world without my son. He is my world, every decision I make is based on his best interests. A wife probably wouldn’t be happy with my already full schedule. As a businessman I wouldn’t necessarily be in the position of helping people like I am now. I have actually thought about going into teaching when I get a master’s degree so teaching is not outside the realm of my imagination. As an only child with no parents who would I go to with my problems and for support? Who would I laugh with? Who would know me best because they had always been with me? As an atheist there wouldn’t be a guiding hand in my life. Something larger than me to be there in good times and bad.

I think I’ll stay me.

Survivor

My English 102 final exam

Survivor

            The song, “I’m A Survivor” by Reba McEntire, (White)

is my personal theme song. The theme of the song is surviving no matter the odds that stand in your way. A woman doesn’t need a man in her life to be able to take care of herself and her family. It says that the idea that being strong and never backing down is the best thing that a woman can do.

            I still remember the first time I heard this song. It spoke to me in ways that few things have ever been able to. I immediately went out to find, and buy the C.D. I take strength from the words, knowing that I have a one hundred percent success rate of surviving the bad things that have happened in my life. Because, I am a survivor.

            “I was born 3 months too early, The doctor gave me 30 days.” I should have been born early. Just like the woman in the song, I shouldn’t have lived. My mother had contractions with me for six months before I was actually born. She was on total bed rest for that entire time. I was stubborn and raring to go from the womb.

“But I must of had my momma's will, and God's amazing grace.” My mother is one of the most stubborn people on the planet. Through sheer force of will, and a little help from God, she was able to keep me alive, while taking care of a 4 year old and a 2 year old while my dad worked. I learned my never say die attitude from her.

“I guess I'll keep on livin', even if this love to die for.” There isn’t anything onr anyone that can make me give up on life. I have been in some terrible, hopeless situations but I will keep living. I have a love for my son that makes me get out of bed every morning. No matter how bad things get, or how badly I want to die, he is worth living for.

“Cause your bags are packed and I ain't crying, you walking out and I'm not trying to change your mind, cause I was born to be...”  If you feel it is necessary to walk out of my life I am not going to beg you to stay. If you want to fight for what we have, I will fight to my dying breath, but I will not cry over your leaving.

“The baby girl without a chance, a victim of the circumstance.” From the moment of my birth I have had to fight an uphill battle. Every bad thing I have ever been concerned about has happened. I shouldn’t have survived the circumstances of my birth, I should have died later on in life, and I refuse to give up even in the face of circumstance.

“The one who oughta give up, but she's just too hard headed.” Everyone who knows me knows that I am too stubborn and bull headed to give up on anything. The things in the world that are worthwhile are worth fighting for. The struggle will be hard and I may not succeed but I will never give up the fight.

“A single mom who works two jobs, who loves her kids and never stops.” I work two or more jobs. I go to school full time. I am always making sacrifices for my son. Everything that I do, every decision that I make, is for the greater good of his life. Those decisions are usually hard and heart breaking but they are worth it.

“With gentle hands and a heart of a fighter, I'm a survivor” These lines really say it all. I take care of everyone else, with gentle hands. I have the heart of a fighter. I never, ever give up no matter the odds. The title of the song really says it all. I’m a survivor and nothing will ever stop me.

“I don't believe in self-pity, it only brings you down.” This is so true, self pity doesn’t get you anywhere but in a pit. Take your moment, cry it out, then pull your big girl panties on and go on with life. The world isn’t going to stop turning just because bad things have happened in your life.

“May be the queen of broken hearts, but I don't hide behind the crown.” I should have probably given up on love a long time ago. The people with the biggest hearts are always the ones who get hurt the most. But, building up a wall around your heart hurts no one but  yourself. Take the risk, love hard, get hurt, and try again. The risk is worth the reward.

“When the deck is stacked against me, I just play a different game” You have to roll with the punches. Life is hard, it will come at you fast. You have to learn to bob and weave, sometimes you have to take the hits on the chin and keep fighting. Keep your head down and keep going until you get to the other side.

“My roots are planted in the past, and though my life is changing' fast, who I am is who I wanna be.” I use my past to remember who I am and where I have come from. I may not be the best person I can be, but I am content with the person that I am. That person is a survivor and no matter what life throws at me, I know I can survive it.

This song is an anthem for women. It says that life is rough, but you are stronger than you can even imagine. Take strength in knowing that no matter what, no matter how hard things seem at the time, you will come out alive, better, and stronger on the other side. You have the strength to carry on. When you need a reminder just say, “I’m a survivor.”

Bibliography

White, Philip Brian. azlyrics.com. 2000-2013. Web. 10 December 2013.